We really went all out for you this time. We’ve got eight things we’ve seen that don’t completely square with reality. Enjoy!
1. Writing Papers
... Don't go to them for grammatical help
Every poster in the Lower SSC is grammatically correct except for the one offering to help you with your papers! Where’s the question mark?!
2. Rubik’s Cube
It exploded ...
I know, this isn’t that unusual for an old Rubik’s Cube, but I wanted to include it. Apparently my cube was having a bad day, because it literally just broke apart in my hands while I was solving it. And it was so young … *sniff*
3. Turn Me On
A forward piece of equipment
Will do. My only question is, who is Number 6? It sounds like a name out of Austin Powers or something. Actually, that would be fitting in the context.
4. Illiterate Menu
How do YOU spell quesadilla?
(Compliments of the lovely Krista Goodman.)
Phonetically, they basically got it right. But phonetics probably won’t win you a Spelling Bee.
Also, Roast Beef is two words. Roast would be the adjective describing what kind of beef it is. Nice job, guys.
5. Indecisive Chinese Place
The best, just not legally
Well, which is it? This Chinese restaurant must have low self esteem. Either that or, after eating their free meal, their lawyers told them, “You’re going to want to add this line, trust us.”
6. Box of Gluten
Got Gluten?
Why would you ever need a whole box of Gluten? I guess I never really cook, so there’s probably some viable reason. I just found it even more amusing because one of my friends is a Celiac, and my roommate and I were joking about getting her a box of pure Gluten … A few days later, lo and behold, our wish is granted! (Don’t worry, Megan. We didn’t get it.)
7. Apple Crash
Panic is acceptable
You know it can’t be good when the Operating System tells you to panic. I mean, the Operating System is what’s supposed to always give the appearance of happy to the user so they don’t panic! If Apple doesn’t know what’s going on, what hope do we have?
(To all you nerds out there who want to know what the problem was, you can’t install Leopard on a G3 Processor.)
8. Never Settle
Never settle for water
Here’s a little quiz. What is the most common substance held by a water bottle? That’s right: water.
Griffin has this tag in the lid of his water bottle that says “Never Settle.” That’s probably a good way to get you to go out and do something with your life, but did they ever stop to think about the immediate consequences of this phrase? Your bottle is filled with water. Water is about the most settled you can get. So, everytime your thirst overwhelms you and you pop the lid for a drink, you’re instantly encouraged to close the lid and drink something else. That makes sense.
But, hey, at least they already got you to buy the $30 bottle. Sucker!
-alex
Monster. I use gluten in my homemade bread all the time. Makes them tastygood.