Things I’ve Seen, Pt. 4

12 11 2008

We really went all out for you this time.  We’ve got eight things we’ve seen that don’t completely square with reality.  Enjoy!

1.  Writing Papers

... Don't go to them for grammatical help

... Don't go to them for grammatical help

Every poster in the Lower SSC is grammatically correct except for the one offering to help you with your papers!  Where’s the question mark?!

2.  Rubik’s Cube

It exploded ...

It exploded ...

I know, this isn’t that unusual for an old Rubik’s Cube, but I wanted to include it.  Apparently my cube was having a bad day, because it literally just broke apart in my hands while I was solving it.  And it was so young … *sniff*

3.  Turn Me On

A forward piece of equipment

A forward piece of equipment

Will do.  My only question is, who is Number 6?  It sounds like a name out of Austin Powers or something.  Actually, that would be fitting in the context.

4.  Illiterate Menu

How do YOU spell quesadilla?

How do YOU spell quesadilla?

(Compliments of the lovely Krista Goodman.)

Phonetically, they basically got it right.  But phonetics probably won’t win you a Spelling Bee.

Also, Roast Beef is two words.  Roast would be the adjective describing what kind of beef it is.  Nice job, guys.

5.  Indecisive Chinese Place

one-of-the-best-chinese

The best, just not legally

Well, which is it?  This Chinese restaurant must have low self esteem.  Either that or, after eating their free meal, their lawyers told them, “You’re going to want to add this line, trust us.”

6.  Box of Gluten

box-of-gluten

Got Gluten?

Why would you ever need a whole box of Gluten?  I guess I never really cook, so there’s probably some viable reason.  I just found it even more amusing because one of my friends is a Celiac, and my roommate and I were joking about getting her a box of pure Gluten … A few days later, lo and behold, our wish is granted!  (Don’t worry, Megan.  We didn’t get it.)

7.  Apple Crash

I found it amusing when the Operating System told me to panic.  Hey, if Apple doesn't know what happened, what hope do we have?  (For all your nerds out there who care, you can't install Leopard on a G3 Processor.)

Panic is acceptable

You know it can’t be good when the Operating System tells you to panic.  I mean, the Operating System is what’s supposed to always give the appearance of happy to the user so they don’t panic!  If Apple doesn’t know what’s going on, what hope do we have?

(To all you nerds out there who want to know what the problem was, you can’t install Leopard on a G3 Processor.)

8.  Never Settle

Dave and I find it ironic that the lid of this water bottle says "Never Settle."  Really?  But ... It's a water bottle.  If you want a drink, water is about as "settling" as you can get.  So, everytime you're thirsty and you bust our your water bottle for a drink, you're instantly encouraged to drink something else ... ANYTHING else.

Never settle for water

Here’s a little quiz.  What is the most common substance held by a water bottle?  That’s right: water.

Griffin has this tag in the lid of his water bottle that says “Never Settle.”  That’s probably a good way to get you to go out and do something with your life, but did they ever stop to think about the immediate consequences of this phrase?  Your bottle is filled with water.  Water is about the most settled you can get.  So, everytime your thirst overwhelms you and you pop the lid for a drink, you’re instantly encouraged to close the lid and drink something else.  That makes sense.

But, hey, at least they already got you to buy the $30 bottle.  Sucker!

-alex





Things I’ve Seen, Pt. 3

21 10 2008

Third edition!  (Short, but I just wanted to get it out, eh.)

1.  Sexy Dollar

Sexy Dollar
Ryan’s free phone sex

Ryan received this dollar bill as change from some girl at some restaurant. Point being, he’s never spent it. His reasoning is that he would be weirded out giving it to anyone, though we told him he could just put it in a vending machine.

And, yes, we did call the number. It’s always an answering machine.

2.  Women Tornado Shelter

Women Tornado Shelter
Sexist sign

So, what, is it a women’s only tornado shelter? What’s the deal? Also, why is this sign on the third floor of ENS … ?

3.  Superhero Volleball

Superhero Volleyball
Libby the Volleyball Superhero

Libby, we knew you were awesome at Volleyball, but this picture makes you even better! Seriously, you can shoot balls out of your hand?! Why have you not told anyone about this super power?!

-alex





Things I’ve Seen, Pt. 2

17 10 2008

Here’s my second installation.  Enjoy.

1.  Enclosed Space

Enclosed Space

Unnecessary precaution

Question: When walking through a door, unless it’s leading outside, when are you NOT entering an enclosed space?!

2.  Love Making?

19 and Love Making?

Awkward Facebook ad

Well, yes, I am 19. But … OH! Wait, there’s another line. I didn’t see that.  This was an ad that I saw on the side of Facebook, and the question mark at the end of the sentence makes a world of difference.

3.  “Ramp”

"Ramp"

Not a real ramp

First of all, are those quotation marks really necessary? Secondly, after looking at the picture of that creepy ramp, trust me, I will use caution when taking it! I’d rather not take it at all, actually …

4.  “Caution”

"Caution"

Not real caution

This sign was at my Grandma’s retirement facility. In Iowa. I should hope that, if you live in Iowa, you know that ice is slippery. But secondly, what kind of caution is “caution”? I don’t understand.

5.  PMS = Wolves

PMS = Wolves

PMS = Scary Junior High girls

The Rock originally said “Postermodernism = Wolves”, fashioned after that days chapel message. (I don’t expect you to understand that unless you go to a Christian college.) It was later edited to this. I like this one better. I grew up with two sisters. Ashley was OK, but that Jenna … Man.

6.  Hackett

Creepy Hacket

Creepy Hackett

As Dave, Brad, Andrew and I waited in line at the Cedarville Pancake Breakfast (Labor Day is a big deal there … The guy who founded it lived in Cedarville), we saw this sign. Obviously, it’s coming up on election season, but we can’t help but wonder why he’s hiding behind the sign. So, I inquired …

Me: Why is he hiding behind the sign?
Dave: He’s probably a convicted child rapist.
Brad: Right, see, Cedarville is a really small town, so the chances of him standing behind you right now are pretty high.

Luckily, he wasn’t. Or, at least, he didn’t pop out and attack us after Dave’s comment. (You can’t take that guy anywhere.)

7.  Windy Day

Cedarville got the tail winds of hurricane Ike and … Some other guy that I can’t remember.  It was a fun time, and, of course, we all ran outside to play in the wind.

-alex





Things I’ve Seen, Pt. 1

15 10 2008

I’ve been around the block a few times.  Here’s the first of many parts involving things I’ve caught on digital while I was out and about.

1.  Popcorn Isn’t Food

At a museum in Duluth, MN
Museum in Duluth, MN

Apparently popcorn isn’t covered under “food”. Also, why is this for the safety of all visitors? I’d expect to see something like, “Don’t carry weapons of mass destruction, assault anyone, or sneeze.” That’s for the safety of all visitors. I’ll give them the smoking one, though.

2.  Warning:  Canadians

At a museum in Duluth, MN
Museum in Duluth, MN

I like to think this sign is warning the Minnesotan residents against the potential dangers of Canadian immigration.

3.  Poor Editing

Poor Editing
How do you spell “murders”?

I can’t help but wonder how many editors this book (which I found on the shelf in a bookstore) made it through before falling onto this shelf. Apparently not enough that actually got paid. This was on the back cover …

4.  Dead Frog

Dead Frog
Petrified, very dead frog

Apparently he didn’t make it to the toilet in time. Poor guy.

5.  It Feels Good

It Feels Good
Doctor’s office in Marion, IA

For real? This poster was in the doctors office while I sat there waiting for him to come in and “inspect” me. Considering it’s supposed to be a children’s poster (I’m assuming), it creeped me out WAY too much.  I do not like ladybugs, and you can very easily think of something creepy about the remaining items on the poster.

6.  Just Helping Out …

Just Helping Out
Obviously staged picture

Yah, right. This is about the most staged picture I’ve ever seen, even for a newspaper article. On top of that, what the heck are they even condoning? He’s carrying a BABY, for goodness sakes! Set the baby down before you put your gloves on, grab a huge log and a small stick … While wearing your jersey. Well, thanks Chad.

7.  Monster Advertising

Monster Advertising
Poor advertising

Make up your mind. Can I have ANY variety, or is Java really left out? Last I check, Java is totally a variety of Monster.

More to come soon …

-alex